We Do Not Need to Justify How We Feel
Reflections by Heidi Birr, Person-Centred Counsellor
Published: July 2026
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
— Carl R. Rogers
There are times in life when we find ourselves questioning our own experiences.
Perhaps we tell ourselves:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“I should be coping better.”
“I don’t know why this is affecting me so much.”
Many of us have learned to judge our feelings before we have taken the time to understand them.
We compare ourselves to others. We minimise our experiences. We wonder whether what we’re feeling is justified or whether we should simply carry on.
Yet our experiences are deeply personal. What affects one person may not affect another in the same way. There is no universal measure of what is “significant enough” to matter.
Sometimes people wonder whether what they have experienced ‘counts’ as trauma. Others question whether they are grieving ‘properly’ or whether they should have moved on by now. Some find themselves carrying the impact of a difficult relationship, a significant life change, an illness, a loss, or an experience they have never fully spoken about.
Whatever the experience, the question is often the same:
“Am I allowed to feel this way?”
Perhaps a different question might be:
“What is this experience trying to tell me?”
When we approach ourselves with curiosity rather than judgement, we begin to create space for understanding instead of criticism.
This is not about dwelling on the past or searching for something that is wrong. It is about gently acknowledging our experiences and recognising their impact without comparison, shame or expectation.
Counselling offers a confidential space where this exploration can take place at your own pace.
There is no expectation to have everything figured out.
No requirement to explain yourself perfectly.
No need to compare your experiences with those of others.
Instead, counselling provides an opportunity to pause, reflect and make sense of your experiences within a safe, empathic and accepting relationship.
Sometimes, in a world that can feel demanding and fast-paced, what people need most is simply a space to be human.
A space where life’s uncertainty, complexity, joy, sadness, grief, hope and messiness can be acknowledged without judgement.
When we allow ourselves that space, understanding often begins to emerge naturally.
We may not be able to change what has happened, but we can begin to change our relationship with it.
Perhaps the goal is not to judge whether our feelings are justified, but to understand them with compassion.
Because if something matters to you, it matters.
Support
If this reflection has resonated with you and you would like to explore your experiences in a safe, confidential and non-judgemental space, I offer person-centred counselling in Cumbria, Lancashire and online across the UK.
You can find out more about how I work on my website or get in touch to arrange an initial conversation.
Further Help
If you are in immediate distress or need urgent support, you can contact:
- NHS urgent mental health helplines via NHS 111 (select the mental health option)
- Lancashire and South Cumbria Mental Health Urgent Response Line: 0800 953 0110 (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
- Samaritans: 116 123