When Self-Care Doesn’t Feel Easy: A Person-Centred Reflection
Reflections by Heidi Birr Person-Centred Counsellor
Published: April 2026
I’m about to take some time away, and it’s made me reflect on something I often hear in the therapy room — how difficult self-care can feel.
It’s a phrase we hear often: “I need to take better care of myself.”
And yet, for many people, it isn’t simple.
Self-care can feel like something we should be doing, rather than something we feel able to do.
When Looking After Yourself Feels Uncomfortable
There can be many reasons why self-care feels difficult.
For some, it brings a sense of guilt.
Taking time for yourself might feel:
- Selfish
- Indulgent
- Unnecessary
Especially if you are used to being the one who supports others, keeps things going, or puts your own needs to one side.
For others, it’s less about guilt and more about uncertainty.
You might notice:
- “I don’t actually know what I need”
- “Nothing really helps”
- “I can’t seem to switch off”
Self-care, in those moments, can feel out of reach.
Self-Care Is Not Another Task
It’s easy for self-care to become another thing on the list.
Something to get right.
Something to improve.
Something that, if we’re honest, can begin to feel like pressure.
But in a person-centred way of thinking, self-care is not something we do correctly.
It is something we begin to notice.
It might start with small questions:
What do I need right now? What feels like too much? What would feel even slightly supportive?
There are no right answers.
Only your answers.
Learning to Listen
Often, self-care is less about doing more, and more about listening differently.
Listening to:
- Tiredness
- Irritation
- Overwhelm
- The quiet sense that something isn’t quite right
These are not problems to fix immediately.
They are signals.
And in counselling, there is space to begin to hear those signals more clearly — without judgement, and without needing to rush to change them.
The Difficulty of Slowing Down
Slowing down is not always easy.
For many people, stopping can bring up:
- Thoughts that have been pushed aside
- Feelings that feel unfamiliar
- A sense of restlessness or unease
In that sense, self-care is not always comfortable.
It can take courage to pause.
To stay.
To notice what’s there.
A Different Way of Thinking About Self-Care
Rather than asking, “Am I doing enough self-care?” It might be gentler to ask:
Am I allowing myself to notice how I am?
Am I making even a small amount of space for myself?
Self-care does not have to be big or visible.
It might be:
- Taking a breath before responding
- Stepping outside for a moment
- Allowing yourself to feel something, rather than pushing it away
Small moments can still be meaningful.
A Gentle Thought
As I take some time away, I’m reminded that stepping back is not always straightforward — even when we know it might be helpful.
If self-care feels difficult, you are not alone in that.
It is not something we all naturally know how to do.
Like many things in counselling, it is something we come to understand over time — through experience, reflection, and being met with empathy.
Support
If this reflection resonates with you and you would like to explore your own experience within a safe, empathic counselling relationship, you are welcome to get in touch.
Further Help
If you are in immediate distress or need urgent support, you can contact:
- NHS urgent mental health helplines via NHS 111 (select the mental health option)
- Lancashire and South Cumbria Mental Health Urgent Response Line: 0800 953 0110 (available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
- Samaritans: 116 123