Person-Centred Counselling and the Value of Being Met as You Are

Reflections by Heidi Birr, Person-Centred Counsellor

Published: January 2026

“In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?”

—Carl R. Rogers, 1961

Many people think about counselling at a time when something feels difficult, confusing, or overwhelming. Alongside this, there is often an unspoken concern:

Will I be judged? Will I be told what’s wrong with me? Will someone try to change who I am?

These worries are understandable. We live in a culture that often looks for quick solutions, clear answers, and measurable outcomes. Yet person-centred counselling is grounded in a very different understanding of change.

Rather than focusing on fixing or correcting, it asks a quieter question:

What might become possible if someone is met with understanding, acceptance, and respect?

Person-Centred Counselling and the Importance of the Relationship

At the heart of person-centred counselling is the belief that meaningful change does not come from advice, interpretation, or instruction. Instead, it arises within a therapeutic relationship where a person feels genuinely heard and valued.

When someone experiences empathy, acceptance, and authenticity from another person, they may begin to relate to themselves differently. Thoughts and feelings that were once pushed away or judged can slowly come into awareness.

This process cannot be rushed. It unfolds at its own pace.

For many people, this way of working feels unfamiliar. Some arrive believing they need to have clear goals, the “right” words, or a neatly defined problem. In reality, counselling can begin simply by starting where you are.

Allowing Understanding to Emerge in Counselling

Donald Winnicott, reflecting on his own clinical practice, once wrote:

“It appals me to think how much deep change I have prevented or delayed in patients… by my personal need to interpret. If only we can wait, the patient arrives at understanding creatively and with immense joy, and I now enjoy this joy more than I used to enjoy the sense of having been clever.”

—Donald W. Winnicott, 1968

This reflection speaks to something deeply human. When another person rushes to explain us, label us, or make sense of us, something important can be lost.

When space is offered instead — space to feel, to wonder, and to reflect — understanding often arises from within.

In person-centred counselling, waiting is not passive. It is an attentive, respectful presence that trusts the client’s capacity for growth. This way of being communicates something powerful:

You are not broken.

You are not too much.

Your experience matters.

Not Knowing Is Allowed in Therapy

Many people worry that they won’t know what to say in counselling, or that their thoughts will feel unclear or jumbled. From a person-centred perspective, this is not a problem to overcome.

Not knowing can be a valid place to begin.

You do not need to arrive with insight, solutions, or a clear story. Counselling can be a space where understanding develops gradually, often in unexpected ways. Moments of clarity tend to be meaningful precisely because they are discovered, not delivered.

This approach respects each person’s autonomy and pace. It recognises that growth is not something done to someone, but something that happens with them, in relationship.

A Different Experience of Being with Another Person

For some people, counselling may be one of the few places where they feel truly listened to — without interruption, judgement, or expectation.

Over time, this experience can support greater self-trust and self-acceptance. Change, when it comes, often feels less like being pushed and more like coming home to oneself.

As Carl Rogers suggested, the role of the counsellor is not to lead the way, but to offer a relationship that can be used. What each person takes from that relationship will be unique.

A Gentle Reflection on Starting Counselling

If you are considering counselling, you may find yourself wondering whether this kind of approach feels right for you. It is okay not to be sure. Curiosity, hesitation, and uncertainty all have a place.

Person-centred counselling offers a space where you do not have to perform, explain yourself perfectly, or aim for quick answers. Instead, you are met as you are, with the belief that understanding and growth can emerge when the conditions feel right.

If you would like to explore this further, you are welcome to get in touch or continue browsing the website to learn more about my approach.

Support and further help

This blog is for reflection and information only and is not a substitute for counselling or mental health support. If you are experiencing distress or feel at risk, you may wish to contact your GP or access urgent support.

You can contact NHS Urgent Mental Health Helplines by calling NHS 111 and selecting the mental health option to be connected to your local crisis service.

For Lancashire and South Cumbria, the Mental Health Urgent Response Line is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 0800 953 0110.

You can also contact the Samaritans on 116 123, free to call, 24 hours a day.